You know what?
I’ll just get to the point.
Usually I use a lot of stats in my posts to back up what I say, but unfortunately I won’t have the time or the resources to provide them for this week’s post. Why? Because I am finally leaving South Korea. That’s right folks…I am headed back to the good ole U.S. of A. Get this; the ‘always thoughtful US Army’ decided against showing me any sort of empathy and booked my travel plans from Seoul to San Francisco over the course of the next 3 days. (sigh)… (sigh again) This means that I will be spending my free time suspended between cheap airport seats and the nearest coffee table… body figure resembling that of a hammock… and I will also have every piece of electrical gear I own plugged into any and all available electrical outlets nearby. As my portable home entertainment system soaks up enough electricity to support several Tokyo power grids, I will be knocked completely unconscious from the enormous dose of sleeping pills I take in order to make the layover go by faster. These pills combined with the generic Bangkok Corona’s I drank at the last layover will surely guarantee me comatose. If all goes according to plan, I will wake up with a huge puddle of drool next to me, my shirt drenched in saliva, my speech slurring a lot that guy from the movie THE GOONIES… oh yeah!... Sloth, and not only will all my electronics be fully charged but I will wake up just in time to make my next flight. Sounds like fun right? I dare you to try it.
Anyways,
With a diverse set of layovers in my future I will visually witness as many different countries as some of the ancient explorers. That’s right, Marco Polo ain’t got shit on me.
The worst part of traveling across the world is the money. Over my 3 day adventure I will surely need to hydrate or possibly attempt to stomach some exotic local food like… fried cat nips. In order to do this I will need to exchange American dollars for the local currency. With a diverse array of locales on my stopping list, I should own a fair amount of monies from many of the world’s different currencies. In any case, I am totally looking forward to the unnerving 20 hours of flight time (sigh)… (sigh again). My trip aside, let’s talks some football. In no particular order;
(1) I want to express my remorse for Sam Bradford. I know the dude is a competitor but he just injured the same shoulder a second time. He wants to win, especially with Colt McCoy being his friend and playing well in Austin. My advice to Sam (like he cares what I think) is to sit out and nurse the shoulder. The Sooners are out of any kind of BCS hopes at this point and a possible senior year or your NFL career is what you should be focusing on. By continuing to compete, you are putting your future career at risk and for what? You are out of the Heisman Trophy race and your team will be lucky to play in a middle tier bowl game. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Everyone knows that you are a stud and a difference maker. We also know that the game against Texas would have been different had you not gotten hurt. Don’t jeopardize your future for glory that you have already accomplished.
(2) I got into a heated argument over the internet with a huge Notre Dame fan.
He was repeatedly stuffing my email box with subjects like “CLAUSEN4HEISMAN.COM” and all of that predictable overrated Irish bullshit. I decided to oblige my confrontational side and call him out. Unfortunately, I was an idiot and didn’t save our typed conversation before he subsequently deleted it upon my victorious closing argument. It must have angered him to no end and since I wasn’t near him to physically assault, he decided the next best thing to do would be to delete me and our conversation with each other. Quite comical actually but I can understand. I wouldn’t my friends to read me getting grammatically pummeled over the internet, especially if I was a self proclaimed Notre Dame fan and owner of a fan page.
To summarize his discontent; I mocked her holy sons’ annual epic failure versus USC. He countered back with the typical, “Jimmy Clausen played great against USC and they have a great defense. Now he is a legit candidate for the Heisman”.
I connected with a haymaker I was waiting to unload.
“Yeah, Jimmy did play great BUT, he got outplayed by a less experienced, true freshman quarterback who led his team into YOUR HOUSE in SOUTHBEND and ran away with your team’s confidence and left your fans silenced. Even as the seconds ticked closer to what everyone hoped would be another ‘Clausen come back’, I knew Notre Dame wasn’t going to win the game. Why? Because they have no idea what it takes to win big games. You want proof? Since the start of the 2007 season, Notre Dame is 14-17. Weis is 1-15 against teams that finished the season with a winning record. And he’s 1-9 against teams that finished the season ranked. If Notre Dame were in the Big Ten, it would be … Minnesota? (Dienhart, Rivals.com) In other words; Notre Dame destroys mid major teams but they can’t beat a reputable contender to save their fucking lives. Don’t blame me or any other Notre Dame hater for these results; it is your own fault. The University of Notre Dame refuses to play in a conference because of the money it makes being independent, as a result you feel compelled to play 2 or 3 tough games a year in order to make your wins against UConn and Rice look better. The only problem is that you never win those tough games. I, too, am a diehard fan of an undisclosed team. I would pull for them to beat anyone, even an entire team of Mike Ditka’s (imagine that). However, even I know when my favorite team is overrated. Notre Dame fans seem to lack the ability to see their football team logically and realistically.”
HAHA! I didn’t even get a “Fuck You” as a reply, I just got deleted. That is ultimate victory and is probably the literary equivalent to making your opponent tap out. Needless to say I am indeed enthused. I love driving my point home but it is always an added bonus AND privilege when I get to bring a deranged Notre Dame fan back down to earth.
(3) What’s up with all the upsets? Ohio St. looked like complete garbage. How a team has a quarterback the caliber of Terrelle Pyror and fails to put up numbers offensively amazes me. I know a coach like Lane Kiffin would kill to have a quarterback like Pryor playing for the Vols. They may have wrecked Florida’s dreams earlier in the season. Naturally, I am a defensive enthusiast and since that is all the Buckeyes have right now, I will remain optimistic about next year and the experience the players are getting right now. Yes, I am a Buckeyes fan. Georgia Tech beats Virginia Tech? Watching the Hokies over the last couple of weeks I swore that they were serious contenders for the remainder of the season. Tyrod Taylor seemed more confident and comfortable and they always have an advantage with “Beamer Ball”. These two top 10 upsets coupled with how horrible to rest of the top 10 looked is evidence of 1 of 2 things. Either (A) there is much more parody in college football due to more kids playing in high school and there being an abundance of recruits and / or coaches are much better at game planning and scheming and can make average recruits into great players. Or (B), the idea of having to go undefeated in a major conference in order to win a National Championship is obsolete. Either way I can only see this downward spiral resulting in a playoff system sometime in the future.
(4) Following all of this Jimmy Clausen for Heisman bullshit, I realized that there wasn’t any frontrunner as of recent. Well folks, I found out who is getting my vote for Heisman. If he keeps his pace up, he will probably be a unanimous choice given the lack of dominance from the usual cast of characters thus far. As much as I dislike the Crimson Tide of Alabama, their running back Mark Ingram is unbelievable. With a lack of decent quarterback play, he put the Tide on his back and carried them to victory versus South Carolina. He rushed for 246 yards on 24 carries. Hey Einstein, that’s a 10 yard per carry average. As of now, he is who I am watching.
(5) This will probably be the most important thing I say in this entire blog so
brace yourself… Mark May is a douche bag… or an El Doucherino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing. I have no particular reason neither, I just plain, flat out think he is an idiot and I hate listening to him. I just love ESPN’s College Football Live too much to mute the television or change the channel.
So amidst Notre Dame’s annual epic failure, Ohio State’s continuous letdowns, Beamer ball bust and Mark Ingram heroics, I don’t have much else to talk about. TO be honest, I am more focused on home. I have been sweating and freezing and sweating and freezing in this God Forsaken land they call South Korea. In a weird, twisted, demented, delusional kind of way, I am looking forward to my Columbus like rediscovery of the worlds circular… err… ness.
-Russ
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